Kiss the Girls and Make Them Die (Italian: Se tutte le donne del mondo... (Operazione Paradiso)) is a James Bond spoof film released in 1966 as an Italian-American co-production between Dino De Laurentiis' Cinematografica and Columbia Pictures. Directed by Henry Levin, with stars Mike Connors, Dorothy Provine, and as the villain, Raf Vallone, it was originally filmed from January to March 1966 under the title Operation Paradise[1][2] and distributed in some parts of the English-speaking world as If All the Women in the World.[3]
While exploring the Brazilian jungle, English adventurer Lord Aldric finds a village where the men appear completely disinterested in sexual activity, and there are no small children. Aldric makes notes in his diary, only to be shot and left for dead, while the diary goes missing.
In Rio de Janeiro, Kelly observes Sylvia and a young man through binoculars as they are approached and questioned by Omar. A group of men close in on Kelly, who is also being followed by the sinister Ringo. Kelly evades everyone, and is carried to safety by a helicopter piloted by his colleague Davis. Ringo reports back to his boss Ardonian, who is frustrated both by Ringo's failure to kill Kelly and the absence of Lord Aldric's notebook.
Kelly starts following Ringo and Omar, who prepare to kill Grace using scorpions. Kelly saves Grace, and facilitates her escape. It becomes clear that Ardonian is 'collecting' young women, who receive lavish gifts bestowed on them if they remain faithful to him. If any break this vow - as Sylvia has done - he has them killed, usually by Omar.
The latest object of Ardonian's affections is aristocratic Englishwoman Susan. When Susan and Ardonian go on an excursion out of Rio, Kelly follows them. However, he is captured by Ardonian's henchmen, and imprisoned on his yacht. Ardonian meets with senior Chinese officials, who agree to give him a satellite that will carry a machine designed to eliminate the sex drive of the entire North American population using radioactive impulse waves produced from a rare form of cobalt. Kelly escapes from the yacht and returns to Rio.
The British ambassador in Rio arranges a reception for Lord Aldric, but one of the explorer's bearers arrives at the party with the news that Aldric is dead. The bearer also hands over Aldric's notebook, but Ardonian observes what has happened, allowing Ringo to murder the bearer and obtain the notebook, which he gives to Ardonian. Kelly removes the notebook from Ardonian's pocket, plants it on Susan, and then leaves the party disguised as a papal legate. Davis sends thugs to follow Susan and retrieve the notebook, but her chauffeur James overpowers them and destroys their car.
Kelly goes to Susan's villa in search of the notebook. Susan, is waiting for him, as she turns out to be an agent of British Intelligence while he works for the CIA. The two exchange information and agree to cooperate. Susan has a lunch date with Ardonian on the following day, and Kelly and James wait outside in case of trouble. Meanwhile, Ardonian realises that Susan is an agent and Omar sets a false trail using her tracking device, which leads Kelly to the murder scene of another unfaithful woman. Ringo threatens him with a gun, but James wounds Ringo and rescues Kelly, and they return in time to rejoin Susan, who has also escaped.
Kelly and Susan travel to the interior and find the village described in Aldric's notebook. Using his knowledge of Amerindian languages, James speaks to a villager, learning that the men of the village have experienced no sexual desire for the previous four years. Susan realises that the villagers are part of an experiment connected to Ardonian's project. She is then abducted by Ringo, and taken away in a helicopter, but not before James has attached a homing device. James drives through the jungle, until he and Kelly reach the site of Ardonian's secret underground lair.
Kelly sneaks into the base, where a rocket carrying Ardonian's satellite is ready to launch. He is disarmed by a guard, but gets a message to James requesting reinforcements. The Chinese officials are murdered by Ardonian, who wants to make the entire world infertile to solve the problem of overpopulation. Protected from the desexing radioactive impulses in his laboratory, Ardonian will be the only man on earth interested in sex, and will use his 'collection' of women (currently preserved in a state of suspended animation) to populate the world exclusively with his descendants. Susan watches in horror as a final woman, the Chinese interpreter Ms Soong, is added to the collection.
As Ardonian's henchmen prepare to place Susan in suspended animation, she overpowers them using a bubble machine, and flees, closely followed by Omar. Kelly throws a banana skin in Omar's way, causing him to slip and electrocute himself. Susan is recaptured by Ringo, and placed in the rocket, which is about to be launched. As the countdown reaches zero, Kelly confronts Ardonian, and prevents him from pushing the launch button. In the ensuing struggle, Ardonian falls into the machine designed for Susan and is placed in suspended animation instead.
The base starts being overrun by the soldiers summoned by James. In his relief, Kelly sits on the desk, accidentally launching the rocket. As he emerges from the base in a panic, he finds that Susan has freed herself from the rocket, and that James has found a way to negate the effects of the sex ray. Kelly and Susan embrace, and agree to get married as soon as possible.
An example of the modEurospy form, then at the height of its popularity, Kiss the Girls and Make Them Die reflected that genre's formula of exaggerated semicomic action filmed in colorful locales around the world (Rio de Janeiro in this case), frequently using average-reputation American directors (Henry Levin subsequently directed two Matt Helm films) and American leads best known for starring in television shows and appearing in occasional films. As far as the casting for this production was concerned, Michael Connors had earlier been the star of a 1959–60 crime series, Tightrope!, and the following year, after streamlining his stage name to "Mike Connors", starred as the long-running private eye, Mannix (1967–75), while Dorothy Provine was one of the stars in The Alaskans (1959–60) and The Roaring 20's (1960–62). Two years earlier, Provine and Connors played key supporting roles as second leads in the 1964 Jack Lemmon–Romy Schneider comedy vehicle Good Neighbor Sam. All the other Kiss the Girls cast members were primarily recognizable as regular players in European films, including co-stars Raf Vallone, Margaret Lee, and comedy relief Terry-Thomas, who was given a special "and" billing at the end of the actors' credits.[4]
Michael Connors recalled that Columbia Pictures gave him the lead after he had been a strong contender for the role of Matt Helm that Dean Martin played.[8] Connors said that Dorothy Provine was whisked to Rome for a week, returning in a glamorous makeover.[8] While Connors portrayed a Sean Connery-type American superspy, Dorothy Provine played her role with an upper-class British accent similar to Lady Penelope Creighton-Ward of the Thunderbirds TV series. Her character rode a gadget-filled Rolls-Royce driven by an Aloysius Parker-type chauffeur played by Terry-Thomas. The movie was filmed on location in Rio de Janeiro and Rome with Dino De Laurentiis spending a lot of money on production.[8]
Connors also recalled that he did the stuntwork of dangling from a rope ladder attached to a helicopter flying off the Christ the Redeemer statue in Rio when the local stuntman refused to do it.[8] Connors said that they were the only film company ever granted permission to film at the landmark.
Reception
A review of the film (bylined "Murf.") in the January 11, 1967 issue of Variety stated, "Undoubtedly, there will be some people who will enjoy "Kiss the Girls And Make Them Die," but fact is that producer Dino De Laurentiis has made a limp, banal spy spoof, inept in all departments. Pace is plodding, dialog pallid, direction pedestrian, acting an embarrassment, and technical composition awkward."[9]
In film guides
Leonard Maltin's Movie Guide (2014 edition) gives Kiss the Girls and Make Them Die its lowest rating, BOMB, describing it as a "[D]ull spy spoof" and commenting that "a satellite capable of sterilizing the world" is "something Bond, Flint, and Matt Helm wouldn't mind. Awful film." Steven H. Scheuer's Movies on TV and Videocassette (1993–1994 edition) had a barely higher opinion, allowing 1½ stars (out of 4) and dispatching it with the final line, "[T]ongue-in-cheek secret-agent stuff doesn't come off: a yawn."
The Motion Picture Guide assigned the film its lowest ranking of 1 star (out of 5), proclaiming that "[T]here is little to recommend in this secret-agent spoof" and pointing out that "[E]verything from the sloppy special effects to the irritating music radiates an uncanny cheapness. Dubbed in English."
Two specialized guidebooks arrive at a split vote. Michael Weldon's Psychotronic Encyclopedia of Film (1983 edition, page 407) agrees with the denigrators, giving it a plot outline that ends with the words, "[T]he worst Bond imitation known to man. With Terry-Thomas, Margaret Lee, Beverly Adams, Marilu Tolo, Nazi scientists, and Communist Chinese. Filmed in Rio De Janeiro. Connors did Mannix next." On the other hand, John Stanley's Creature Features The Science Fiction, Fantasy, and Horror Movie Guide (2000 edition) decided that "[A]lthough a pale copy of 007's exploits, it has a sparkle to its comedy, gorgeous women in figure-flattering wardrobes, and scenic action set against picturesque Rio." After describing the plot, Stanley concludes with, "Michael Connors walks somnambulistic through his role as super agent Kelly who has minipistols hidden in his clothing and is always eating bananas. A standout is Terry-Thomas as a chauffeur secret agent. Directed by Henry Levin and Dino Maiuri. Dorothy Provine portrays Connors' charming, sexy contact."
The sole British cinema compiler to acknowledge the film, Leslie Halliwell in his 1985 Film and Video Guide 5th edition, gave no stars (Halliwell's top rating is 4), dismissing it as a "[P]atchy James Bond spoof."
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